Hey, sports fans! I used to send out a weekly write-up about the Tiefel Tigers via email. Last summer, I made a half-hearted attempt to write about the games here. This season, I am recommitting myself to the task. Without further ado, here is the scouting report for 2010.
Paul Tiefel, Jr. (P, OF) - Dad. Is. Back. And looking as if he has hardly lost a step. One of the three original Tigers in uniform (the others are Jill and Jer), he's transformed from shortstop into starting pitcher. The sight of Dad on the mound strikes fear into the hearts of opposing teams (and sometimes even into his fellow teammates).
Prediction: Dad will get thrown out at second twice during the season. (I feel like I'm phoning this one in, because it already happened once during the first game.)
Eileen Tiefel (C) - No one rocks out a uniform like Mom. Last season, she was the best dressed player on the Tigers, sporting a glam rhinestone belt with her khaki capris. In true superstar form, she wears her oversized sunglasses and maintains her perfectly coiffed blond hairstyle, even under intense game time pressure.
Prediction: Mom will find a way to avoid playing in eight out of the 11 games and develop a love for post-game chatter.
Jill Tiefel (OF, P) - Seen turning cartwheels in right field. Clearly washed up.
Prediction: Batting number two at the beginning of the season, she will be batting number ten by the end.
Jeremy Gurgel (SS) - Dartman lives up to his nickname. He cruises around the base paths he's being chased by his kids. He also is an industrial strength vacuum cleaner, hoovering up every hit that comes his way. Short stops don't get any better than this. (Sometimes taller, but not better.)
Prediction: By week three, Jer's knees will be a bloody, scabbed-over mess.
Elizabeth (Tiefel) Plath (1B) - Louie doesn't know the meaning of the word "quit," and after her determined showing at the Eau Claire Marathon, we're not about to doubt her. Wait a minute. She missed the first game of the season? No longer a contender for the Ironman award.
Prediction: Could hit the ball over the fence if Jer offers a $100 incentive.
Joel Carstensen (OF, IF) - Manager, scorekeeper and substitute player...Wednesday was the first game of the season and Joel's already sporting the weary, frenzied look of a man put through the ringer. People, please show up early so he doesn't die of a heart-attack.
Prediction: Joel will try his hand at pitching before the season's over.
Rebekah (Tiefel) Carstensen (1B, OF) - Fresh off maternity leave, Bek's rejoined the Tigers in a regular capacity. The team's counting on her to produce an offensive spark at the plate.
Prediction: Bek will get run over on the basepaths by either Jer, Paul or Mark due to the batting lineup. The larger question: Is this is a conspiracy by the manager? Hope not, because we're looking forward to Famous Dave's lunch on Rebekah.
Mark S. Tiefel (3B, OF) - On defense, Mark longs to tame the hot corner at third base. On offense, he could possibly be a powerhouse hitter. But swinging for the fences has its perils. On opening night, he popped out to the shortstop. He is his father's son when it comes to running and coaching the bases.
Prediction: By season's end, Mark will be in a groove, cracking the bat like a lion-tamer cracks a whip.
Jarrod Lentz (OF) - Jarrod is the only member of the Tigers who cheers for the Minnesota Twins (at least openly). He's either gutsy or foolish, we're not sure which. This year, our affable friend is not sporting the scruffy facial hair. We'll see what effect--if any--this has on his performance.
Prediction: If he eats his Wheaties, we may see a home run.
Joelle Noeldner (OF, 2B) - Joelle returns to the Tigers for the second year in a row. The first game showed that she needs to readjust her batting timing, but her outfielding was in mid-season form. Diminutive Joelle is proof that good things come in small packages.
Prediction: You're still stuck on diminutive.
Tim Burns (OF, IF) - Timmy. Burnsy. Whatever name you use, you know who we're talking about. Mild-mannered Burnsy has been a staple on the Tigers. He's frequently late to games, but still is number one in our hearts. His favorite move is the shallow single to right field.
Prediction: All purpose player that he is, Tim will see action in no fewer than five positions on the field.
Paul Tiefel III (OF, SS) - PT3 took last season off after being unable to come to terms with the Tigers' front office. Now back and rededicated, Paul's prowess in left field causes opponents to flinch. While running to first, batters go from thinking "Yeah. Sure double," to "How'd he get to THAT? Who is this guy? Inspector Gadget?" All that in 50 feet.
Prediction: Besides conducting a fielding clinic in several games, Paul's also working on world peace.
Emily (Roehl) Tiefel (C, OF) - Emily is a fresh face on the Tigers' roster this year. Her speed on the bases is a favorable match to the team's trademark recklessness and daring. She could be a worthy candidate to carry the "crazy-legs" tradition first made famous by Nathanael.
Prediction: A little more practice and Em could be a master at the full-swing bunt AND have the highest batting average on the team.
Gretchen (Noeldner) Tiefel (OF) - Gretchen stepped down to a supporting role this season and is the official substitute. If she gets into the game, she'll hold her own. It's also helpful to know that we will have medical personnel on site at each game.
Prediction: Gretchen will see action on the field in two or three games. She'll see action as a nurse in five or six.
Hannah Tiefel (2B, OF) - The most recent product of the farm system, Hannah made her long-anticipated (by her) debut on the family team. The rookie held her own at second base in the season opener.
Prediction: H will have no trouble making the adjustment to slow pitch. After all, she has 12 coaches to inform her of what she's doing wrong.
The Tigers kicked off the 2010 season in the Caribbean league last week. They defeated rival Wisconsin Metal Fab 11-3. You can view league standings on the city's website.
No comments:
Post a Comment