Overdosing on being online

Ah, technology. Isn't it great? We have unparalleled opportunities to connect with family, friends, acquaintances, neighbors, co-workers, and all manner of fellow humanity. All online! Twenty-four hours a day. Need a job? Send up your own personal bat signal on LinkedIn. Planning your kid's birthday party? Pinterest abounds with inspiration. Oooooh, I have a free moment--I think I'll check Facebook and see what's up. Technology = progress = better lives. Isn't that how the equation should be? In reality, it seems like all this "connection" feeds thoughts of pettiness, insecurity, and jealousy.

As people, we all want to feel an authentic connection to those around us. It's how we're wired. However, there's a fine line between sharing too much and not sharing enough. Have you ever scoffed to yourself about someone's too-perky status update? I've found myself thinking, "Oh, please. You're not the first person in the world to have a kid," or "You're on the beach. I'm hauling out the trash in the middle of January, wading through the snow. Thanks for rubbing it in!" And when a thought like this occurs to me, I don't like the way I feel.

Several of my close circle have decided that they need to delete their Facebook accounts. Some have come back into the fold cautiously after purging their friend lists. Is the solution unplugging from it all? I don't think so. After much introspection and some serious conversations with smart people, I have formed my own simple social media policy.

1. I will accept friend requests only from people I know personally and to whom I want to be connected.
2. I will not allow online pressure to govern my decisions. 
3. I control how much time I spend on any given social network.
4. I control how I react to others' postings.

Honestly, I think number four is key and it's the one on which I've spent the most reflection time. A recent issue of Psychology Today featured an intriguing article called What Happy People Do Differently. One of the sub-sections was titled The Unjealous Friend, where the author says, "What's precious and scarce are those people who can truly share in others' joy and gains without envy." In other words, people who are happy for others are more likely to be happy themselves.

Of course, this isn't a new concept. Take a look at Phil. 4:8: Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things.

Even the most optimistic person in the world still has bad days. You might not talk about them, but everyone has them. No one is exempt. For some people, it may be a coping mechanism to write about the good things to get you through the bad things. Instead of assuming that your friend is trying to prop herself up, assume that she is cultivating an attitude of gratitude.
 
I like the saying, "Be kind; everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle." A little gentleness, online or face-to-face, goes a long way. So, go ahead. Share the joy in your life unabashed and rest assured: I'm rejoicing with you.

Thoughts about naps

I'm going to share a secret with you. If you try to call me on Sunday afternoon, Odds are, I won't answer the phone. I am probably sleeping. Sunday's supposed to be a day of rest. I take this literally.

My eight-year-old self would be horridly disappointed with me. My mother has long been a legendary believer in the power of a good nap. But growing up, I viewed taking naps to be much less desirable than taking a spoonful of medicine (and I HATED NyQuil, so that's saying something).

I went to extreme lengths to avoid having to nap. I got busted more times than I can count for not behaving during nap time (pulling out the trundle bed and using it as a stage to reenact the Donny and Marie Show with my sisters, for example). Plainly speaking, I was a nap delinquent.

My mother said, "Someday, you'll be glad when you can take a nap." Of all the things my mother said when I was a child, this was the one I found most unbelievable. Was she serious? I could only think of all the time that was WASTED as I SLEPT. As in--gone forever! For example, I could have been using my chemistry set to conduct experiments in my laboratory. (Oh, wait, I didn't have a laboratory. I tried, but my parents put the kibosh on that too. Some nonsense about blowing up the house. Too bad; instead of becoming a Nobel prize winning scientist, I am now a writer. I ask you...who got the last laugh?)


I'm not sure when naps became an indulgence rather than a dreaded chore. But here I am and there's no going back.  

And now, I think I could run for office on the sole strength of this platform: Vote for naps! I bet I'd get elected too. I'm Jill Tiefel, and I approved this message.

I've got mail

I love getting mail. The anticipation of going to the mailbox and wondering what might be in the mailbox is, to me, one of life's little pleasures. Who knows what will arrive? I might have a new magazine, the latest Entertainment Weekly or Psychology Today. Maybe it will be a new movie from Netfix or a peel-off coupon from Kohl's department store (Did I get 30% off? Time to go shopping!).

My favorite kind of mail is an envelope that's been hand-addressed. That usually signals something fun, like a card from a friend or an invitation.
Bills are decidedly less exciting, but I'm still willing to take a chance and pull the black door open.

Knowing the thrill that I receive when I retrieve my mail, I like to mail things to other people. Oh, I know there are other more immediate and less expensive ways to communicate: E-mail, texting, Facebook, phone calls. And I use all of those too.

It's possible that I've romanticized the idea, but I believe there is a gravitas to receiving something in the mail. In my mind, nothing can replace a handwritten card or letter which arrives in an envelope that bears my address in a familiar scrawl. The sender thought enough about me to personally see to those little details.

When I'm addressing a letter, I'm thinking about its recipient with each swirl of cursive that my ink pen presses into the paper. I don't care that it costs 46¢. It's completely worth it. Less than two quarters to make my family and friends feel like a million bucks? It's a bargain.  

Thoughts about the election

I got a request from one of my faithful readers (Hi, Mom!) to post an update. Here's something that occurred to me last week, when I gave two of my sixth grade volleyball players a ride to the game.

While driving, I overheard them in the back seat discussing the upcoming election. One of them said to the other, "You just can't trust anything that they say. The one guy will say something about the other guy and he will say something back about him."


It wasn't so much the words themselves, it was her tone. She wasn't spouting vitriol about the campaign and election process or any candidate. She was just matter-of-fact.

Part of me was sad. What does it say about politics in the United States when an 11-year-old thinks that no one is honest? It's a sobering thought.

But part of me was glad. She's paying attention to the election and to what's happening in our country. She's engaged in the process, even though she can't vote. Too bad more adults aren't like her.  

Gremlins

There's no denying that I am a child of the 80s.
Leg warmers and rolling my jeans? Check.
Cabbage Patch Kid? Check.
Bad perms and hair crimping? Check.

It would logically follow that I'd watch classic 80s movies: E.T., Raiders of the Lost Ark, and of course, Star Wars. Yup, seen 'em. However, during a recent movie discussion with a friend, I said that I'd never seen Gremlins. It seems this admission revealed a serious weakness in my cultural education. We decided to remedy the situation and as the DVD was pushed into the player, I was cautiously optimistic.

But holy bad movie, It. Was. Awful. I couldn't wait for it to be over. I didn't think Gizmo was cute. It couldn't have been more predictable. The acting was incredibly cheesy. In fact, I think I offended my friend with how vehemently I hated it.

I have two questions. First, is there a "tipping point" for a movie like Gremlins? Maybe I would have liked it when I was 12 and now I have irrevocably passed that point when it could be enjoyable. Secondly, have you seen Gremlins? Am I the only person who couldn't stand it?

P.S. Here's hoping the new Muppets movie lives up to my expectations!

Pet peeves

A student of mine wrote an article about teachers' pet peeves for the school newspaper. I shared the article idea with my family at a gathering and was surprised at the active conversation it sparked. Everyone has some pet peeves. I've noticed that we tend to think that others' pet peeves are ridiculous, yet our own seem to have merit. Would you like to poke fun at some of the lame things that aggravate me? (I've already mentioned my dislike for John Tesh's radio show.) Read on for your chance.

Tina Fey. I know, I know. How can you hate Tina Fey? I don't. I just am tired of seeing publicity shots of her with her eyes rolled. You're going to hate me for mentioning this, because now you're going to see it everywhere. It's just strange. Can't you look into the lens? How hard is that?



The degeneration of the English language due to texting. Ugh. When did it become so hard to actually type "how are you?" Are you really saving that much time typing "How R U" instead? I've heard it said that "LOL" is the ultimate communication filler. Don't know what to say? LOL! Want to be sarcastic? LOL! What happened to the good ol' smiley emoticon? IDK.

Cards and posters with anthropomorphic puppies and kittens. I can't help wondering what the photographer did to this kitty to get this face. There's no way this poor cat is wishing obesity on his feline friends.



The Reply to All button. Here's the deal: this button is never properly used. According to my (non-)scientific observations, approximately 15% of people do not understand the true purpose of this button. For example, if an e-mail is sent to 50 people, eight of them will hit this button and send increasingly meaningless e-mail to the others. No one cares. Abuse. Abuse. Abuse.

What are your pet peeves?

I'm not a pet person

My dear sister and her family just picked out a dog at a shelter. I suspect she didn't tell me because she knew what I would say. I'd like to think I'm open-minded, but after some reflection, I realized that, of course she would be looking for someone to reinforce her decision. She was right. That wasn't me.

Confession: I am not a "pet person." I've learned that one must be very careful about admitting this. Many people look at you like you just kicked a kitten. See, it's not that I don't like animals. I cried when I saw a large bird swoop down and carry a baby rabbit away in its mouth. I sobbed for a week when our family's cat was hit by a car when I was a child. I don't go to zoos because of the feelings of ambivalence they inspire. (I can't decide if I feel sorry for them because they are in captivity or if I feel envious because their every need is effortlessly met.)

But I can't pretend that I truly love animals or that I understand those who do. I don't like slobbery dog kisses or rambunctious canines that jump all over my dress pants and sniff wildly at me. I hate picking pet hair off my clothes and finding it covering the bottom of my socks. I dislike the smell of pet food and dog breath. And don't get me started on the amount of money that people spend on pet care. The idea that Rover needs a chiropractic adjustment or a therapeutic massage seems absurd. (I know I'm not the only one, either. Author Robert Fulghum had an essay about his feelings about dogs in It Was On Fire When I Lay Down On It.)

If you're a pet lover, don't hate me. I'm NOT going to kick your dog. But I will push him away if he tries to "kiss" me.

Playlist for the holidays

I love making gift tags or baking Christmas cookies when I'm listening to festive music. It doesn't hurt to have a candle burning either (I'm loving this new fragrance from Yankee Candle. Or, try the amazing Frasier Fir candle from Minnesota company Thymes).

Here are some whimsical, yuletide tunes that are worth a listen:

• Breath of Heaven. Amy Grant's beautiful song that envisions Mary's thoughts and feelings during the first Christmas.
• Silver Bells. Andy Williams does a simply sweet version that makes me want to shop in a charming downtown.
• Up on the Housetop. This song details children's Christmas wishes and American Idol contestant Kimberley Locke did a rollicking version of it.
• O Holy Night. This song captures the peaceful essence of Christmas better than most and it's just gorgeous.
• Sleigh Ride. I haven't heard a bad version of this song, but I like Deborah Gibson's version.
• Santa Claus is Coming to Town. Remember the magic of Christmas as a child? Bruce Springsteen clearly does.
• ANYTHING from A Charlie Brown Christmas. I love everything about Charles Schulz's Peanuts, including the music. "Do they even make wooden Christmas trees anymore?" Classic.
• We Wish You a Merry Christmas. My personal favorite is the version by John Denver and the Muppets: "Did you say Piggy pudding?" 
• Silver and Gold. This is the perfect song to play while decorating the tree during a blizzard when you have no other place to go. Burl Ives' voice is iconic.
• 2000 Miles. I can listen to this song by the Pretenders any time of the year, but it's particularly poignant at Christmas. 

What are your must-listen-to Christmas songs?

Icky songs of the season (revisited)

Last year, I wrote about my least favorite Christmas songs. Recently, I discovered that I omitted a few and in good conscience, I cannot let the travesty stand. Here is my addendum to last year's list.*

• The Chipmunk Song. Here's all I'll say about this one: it's a good thing that Alvin, Simon and Theodore aren't relying on me to purchase that hula hoop for them. (Sort of in the same way that my nieces are relying on me to buy them Bratz dolls.)
• The Chimney Song. San-ta's de-com-pos-ing in my chimney and isn't it CUTE? My rational self always asks, "Where are this kid's parents and why don't they do something about this?" Are they just running around, spraying Lysol to cover up the problem?
• The Christmas Shoes. This represents the cheapest theatrics of the holiday season. It's emotional manipulation, pure and simple. I have perfected the technique of changing the radio station in fewer than three seconds when this dud comes on.
• ANY version of the 12 Days of Christmas--and that including (and especially) parodies. There's only so far jokes can take you when a song isn't that great in the first place.
• Cherry, Cherry Christmas by Neil Diamond. Full disclosure: I am not a Neil Diamond fan, but this song is just...strange. Add in the blatant self-promotion and it's a recipe for holiday nausea.
• Wonderful Christmastime by Paul McCartney. It's fitting that this song--complete with Casio keyboard sound effects--made the list, since John Lennon made the list last year. Is there any redeeming musical value in this song?

I don't want to be a Grinch this holiday season, so tomorrow, I'll post my favorite songs that put me in the mood for shopping, gift wrapping and tree trimming. :)

*If this list is used for evil like last year, you're looking at 2025.

Blessed, bountiful Christmas

I have a tradition with my dear friend Leah and her sweet mother and sister. Every Christmas Eve Day, we have brunch. This year was no exception. Leah made her fabulous egg bake and homemade muffins, Sarah brought a sparkling peach beverage and I fried up some bacon and provided fresh fruit and caramel rolls. It was a peaceful, relaxing celebration.

As I was purchasing fruit for the brunch, I browsed a display of oranges. I always crave oranges at Christmas time. Maybe it's because I remember getting a Christmas bag with nuts, candy and an orange after the children's Christmas Eve service when I was growing up. It also could be because I remember reading Laura Ingalls Wilder's recollection of her Christmas celebration. Oranges were a rare treat. When I take a bite of a section, I imagine what it must have been like to taste them for the first time. I marvel then at how much bounty surrounds me on a daily basis. The selection of fruit at the local grocery store in December is incredible. In fact, the grapes I ate this morning came all the way from Chile. It's a far cry from Laura Ingalls Wilder's pioneer days.

I wish each of you a blessed Christmas celebration, one where you are reveling in the miracles all around you--big and small.

Isaiah 9:6: For unto us a Child is born, unto us a Son is given. And the government will be upon His shoulder. And His name will be called Wonderful, Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.

Songs of the season

Ahhh, December has arrived. I can finally stop furtively checking the calendar and openly embrace the holiday season. I've been shopping, decorating and being an all-around-busy-elf, as I've decided to make many of my holiday gifts this year. (For those of you unfortunate enough to receive such largesse, I apologize in advance.)

I can also begin to listen to Christmas music. There is a wonderful assortment of lovely holiday tunes in the world. But due to a conspiracy by the radio industry, I never hear any of the good ones as I'm out and about. The minute I get into my car, I feel like I'm playing Russian roulette with my ears as I search for good Christmas carols. So without further ado, I present my list of worst Christmas songs EVER. (And Grandma Got Run Over By A Raindeer doesn't even make the list.)

• Feliz Navidad - I'm sure there are people out there that love this song, but I am not one of them. This song just goes on and on. It never ends!
  
• My Favorite Things - I don't have anything against the Sound of Music, but why do people think this is a Christmas song? Because of the "brown paper packages tied up with strings" lyric? That's a stretch.
• Happy Xmas (War is over) - Ugh. Come on, John Lennon. Is this the best you could do?
• Blue Christmas - Just because a song has the word "Christmas" in the title shouldn't make it a holiday classic, even if Elvis is singing it.
  
• Last Christmas - Hey, it's the season of peace and joy and we have to listen to lyrics like these? "A face on a lover with a fire in his heart, A man undercover but you tore him apart."
  

Looking to get into the holiday spirit? Try A Charlie Brown Christmas or Home for Christmas by Amy Grant. I'm thinking a little Harry Connick Jr. might be fun too.

Free speech

I was blown away by this succinct quote in the preface of Jeffery Deaver's latest fiction novel:

"What the Internet and its cult of anonymity do is to provide a blanket sort of immunity for anybody who wants to say anything about anybody else, and it would be difficult in this sense to think of a more morally deformed exploitation of the concept of free speech." -Richard Bernstein in The New York Times

I completely agree.

Is anyone with me on this?

Confession time: I hate John Tesh's radio show. It bothers me that he uses the phrase "intelligence for life." It's not like he's advancing new theories or producing great works of literature! Most of what he shares is trivia or common sense.

Want to know what put me over the edge? About two months ago, I heard him talk about great tips to getting job interviews. The first one was to proofread your resume because typos turn employers away. Really? You think?