Up in the Air

March 11 marked an anniversary in my life. As anniversaries go, it's not one of those ones that you'd traditionally want to remember. This was the first anniversary of the elimination of my job and the first day of a year filled with ups, downs, and incredible, unbelievable growth.

I look back and imagine what I would tell myself if I were given the chance. I think I'd summarize it with this: Even though your equilibrium might feel precarious--even though you will feel like your entire foundation is shifting under your feet--keep your head up and stay focused. It won't always be this way.  

Being told your job has been eliminated or that you've been laid off or that you're being downsized is hard. Several months ago, I read about a new movie called Up In The Air starring George Clooney. In particular, I was intrigued by how director Jason Reitman used footage from real people affected by job loss and I knew I would have to see it. I found the movie to be remarkable. In fact, I cried cathartic tears throughout most of it.  I recently watched it again and found that it still moved me deeply the second time around.

George Clooney plays Ryan Bingham, a man with few attachments and lots of frequent flyer miles. He lives out of a suitcase and his job as a consultant whose job is to inform unfortunate souls that "your position is no longer available." Anna Kendrick is the young protege that he reluctantly takes out on the road to teach the business.

I realized how much my personal journey resembled bits and pieces of the movie. It's so authentic. Sometimes we'd like to isolate ourselves from the tough circumstances of the reality of life. But the amazing thing is that I didn't feel bad after seeing the movie. The growth that we go through in the shadows of life adds depth to our experiences.

One thing I've learned from all this is to treasure the small moments. I can honestly say that I wouldn't change anything about the past year, even I could. I find myself truly rejoicing in my circumstances, which is the most implausible, unexpected blessing I could have received.

Support networks

I have a huge family and all of them have done a phenomenal job of supporting me. My friends are fabulous. Sometimes I think people want to ask how I’m doing, but are afraid that it might be like pouring lemon juice on a paper cut (apologies to Miracle Max). If I’m completely honest, it can be sensitive and sometimes it feels a little raw. But the knowledge that others are thinking about me as I am going through this far outweighs the other stuff.

There’s something unique about support from people with whom you have a professional relationship. The first couple days, it was strange to wake up and realize that I was not going into “work” this day. The projects I owned no longer belong to me. From the first moment I heard the news, I began to feel a separation between me and my co-workers. People I talked to and interacted with every day are no longer part of my daily world.

During the first week after losing my job, I heard from three former co-workers in different ways. I sincerely appreciated the gestures. One was a simple e-mail with two sentences: I’m so sorry. If there’s anything I can do to help, please don’t hesitate to ask. Try as you might, there is something intensely personal about losing a job. No amount of reassurance completely erases the initial seeds of self-doubt that are sown from the experience. But the way my work friends responded helped. A lot.
(photo credit: imdb.com)

March Fools' Day?

I was laid off on March 11, two days after my birthday. I had been working for the same company for 14 years so this caused various reactions of shock among my family members when I gave them the news.

I am very close to my grandparents, so I wanted them to hear the news from me. My grandmother believes people should never stop learning. From the time I was a little girl, I admired her my professional savvy. She has a master’s degree in library science and she reads the Wall Street Journal and the New York Times. Meanwhile, my grandfather has the kindest heart of anyone I know. He owned his own business for several years and he is a great believer in customer service and doing the right thing for his clients.

My grandpa answered the phone when I called that day. I took a deep breath and parroted the news to Grandpa. He was incredulous. “I can’t believe that, Jill. What a mistake on their part!” When I got to the part of about my termination date being April 3, Grandpa misheard me. “April 1? Jill, is this an April Fools’ Joke?” he said. I recognized the tone in his voice. “Believe me, I am not joking, Grandpa!”

This would have just been one more odd conversation in an already strange day were it not for what happened a week later. I stopped by my grandparents' house to say hi and we ended up talking about how things were going. Grandpa cleared his throat and said, “I may have reacted badly to your news. This will turn out to be a great thing for you. And as quickly as you lost your job, that's as quickly as things can turn around.” On those days when I start to wonder where I am going, I remember this.

Starting over

Seven weeks ago, I was doing field research for my company. On a Wednesday afternoon, I was working on writing my report when I received a call to come to the conference room. It seems unreal to me now, but I had no idea what was going to happen. "Your position has been eliminated," I was told. After the ten minute meeting (which felt like an hour), I turned in my badge and went home. It was official. I joined the multitude of people who have lost their jobs due to the poor economy in the United States. I learned later that we are called displaced workers.

There are many feelings that a person goes through during this process (that's a whole other post), but one of the decisions I've made is that I'm going to write about it. So, here goes nothing... :)